Jungle Fever

Well, it’s happened: jungle fever has gotten to me. 

Help!

After three weeks in this tropical microclimate, I am starting to lose it…and am most definitely losing the battle against the constant heat and relentless humidity. 

The temperature of 28 to 32 degrees C (82 to 90 F) + relative humidity of 90% = a heat index of 40 C/ 104 F.  Am always hot and sticky and a sloth-like torpor is beginning to set in. 

Get me...

Everything is damp.  Clothes, shoes, bath towels never dry completely and have a musty smell reminiscent of my Grammy’s attic.  Even the “solar dryer” is only somewhat effective; the air is simply so saturated with moisture that there is nowhere for the dampness to go. 

 

The sheets and pillows are clammy. 

My nylon Prada bag is growing mold.

My razor blade is rusting. 

...outta...

I am entirely bug-bitten – even have itchy welts on my scalp and in my armpits and on my arse – no amount of DEET-laden repellant seems to work. 

 

There is an odd musky odor emanating from my body…all the onions they put in the food? 

My hair is impossibly frizzy and matted – even if I owned a brush, I wouldn’t be able to get it through.  

...here...

Of course I knew to expect precipitation in the rainforest but didn’t realize that the seasons here are defined by it: rainy, rainier, rainiest.  They call this current one the "green season" -- a euphemism for "the most rainfall you have ever seen"-- ever. 

 

I have had monkey poo hurled at me.   

When I asked Phil, the owner of the lodge, whether it really is safe to go barefoot everywhere on the property (which he does), he assured me it is.  “Just be careful where you step; the two most common accidents we have here are sprained ankles and snake bites.”  Great. 

...before I go...

Surrounded by black-haired, dark-skinned Ticos, I stick out like the gringa that I am. 

To make it worse, those Spanish lessons that I truly intended

to take before my departure never happened.  Although I’ve

managed the most rudimentary of phrases while here, I very

much regret not being able to converse with the locals. 

LOCA!

And the most pressing matter of all: Will my electronics

survive? 

What would I do without my iPhone?