Notes from a long, lonely NZ night...

Warning: contains harsh language and snarky sentiments

*Sure, the Kiwis are friendly but I haven’t made many friends yet…of course, the hurdles are higher in a city.  Met a bonny woman, a fellow mom, who lives just down the street -- hope I’m not dipping too deep into her well of generosity.

*Yoga is not an aerobic sport.  And now I’ve got myself signed up for a 71-km (44-mile) walk in 2 weeks – what the hell was I thinking?  The ability to put my toes to my nose will not help me one bit on the trail.  Damn.

*Lying on the coffee table, this is symbolic of my life right now: 

It is the only key in my possession, and of course it’s not even mine – just a pass to a temporary home and poignant indication of my lack of possessions.  No house. No apartment. No car (or truck or van or vespa or camper).  Keine Ferienwohnung. Pathetic.  Exhilarating.

*The so-called “manifesto” on the Lululemon carry bag hanging on the closet commands me:   Do one thing a day that scares you.  The conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time, choose a positive thought.  Visualize your eventual demise, it can have an amazing effect on how you live for the moment.  10-15 friends allows for real relationships.  Seriously?  Give me an effin' break.

*Another platitude common amongst yogi wannabes: All Is Good.  Bullshit.  A lot really sucks sometimes.  Not to say it won’t get better, and usually we do learn and grow from the hard stuff, but glossing over pain and heartache with “all is good” glibly diminishes what the sufferer is experiencing. 

*Why so stingy with the wi-fi?  

*The next person who says Eat Pray Love to me might just get a punch in the face.  Makes me feel like such a cliché.  

*My oh-so-perceptive friend in La-La Land tells me that my cynicism is the wound and that both can be healed… Ronda, my love, I know you know whereof you speak but the cynic in me has been a lifelong companion and I am quite fond of its troll-like, quirky, comforting presence.  What should take its place?  

*I’m afraid that the old ghosts are still rattling their chains in Zurich and will continue to haunt me on my return.  Really feeling the pressure to go back all reformed, reborn, rediscovered, redeemed, re-something-or-other.  Boo.

*I will be fifty-fucking-four years old next week.  Crikey!